When Misery Is a Family Affair
Child actors often lead very complicated lives. Many times, the desperation, pressure and demands come from those closest to the child. Far too often, these parties claiming to have the child’s best interests in mind are only in it for themselves in one form or another. Family members often serve not only as legal guardians, but can also take on the role of manager, agent, and career coach. For children like Jennette McCurdy, relying so closely on family can make life confusing or miserable, and potentially scar them for life.
McCurdy is most recognizable among the public for her roles in the Nickelodeon TV series, iCarly, and its spin-off Sam & Cat. Unsurprisingly, these high-profile acting roles opened the door for plenty of off-screen drama. McCurdy’s closest friend, trusted advisor, coach, teacher, and mentor was her mother, Debra. Debra was hardly qualified to be any of these things. She wanted fame and riches for herself, and she was willing to put Jennette through hell to get them.
Jennette’s stressful childhood started long before her Nickelodeon days. Her mother was always there, alternating between heaping praise and injecting criticism. She convinced Jennette to reach for unreasonable expectations. She would humiliate her daughter, and then to smile and make amends with the compliments that Jennette craved.
This was the woman who wiped her daughter’s ass at eight years old and shaved her legs well into her teens. She introduced Jennette to anorexia, making the eating disorder into a mommy-daughter bonding experience. She was a hoarder and struggled with anger management issues.
Jennette bravely describes all these traumatic experiences like she’s building a LEGO set. She just keeps piling on every other horror; religious guilt, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and fear of intimacy just to name a few. Her mother suffocated her with the pressure of perfection when she was there. When she wasn’t, the silence left Jennette craving attention and support.
After Debra’s death, Jennette sought escape in several ways. She “dated” men who were wrong for her. She dove head-first into alcoholism. Bulimia replaced anorexia as the eating disorder of choice.
McCurdy doesn’t just write the details of her family struggles. The exploitation suffered by her and other child actors during their time at Nickelodeon are well documented. She also writes about the worst parts of home ownership, hating what therapy made her discover about herself, and how she never sought a relationship for her own health. She writes in vivid detail, but with a sense of reflection.
McCurdy’s story is one filled with abuse. Her ability to look back and to share it through her writing is admirable. She doesn’t write to garner attention, nor to offer some morale or life lesson. I’m Glad My Mom Died isn’t an easy read, but it is informative and it is an example of one woman’s courageous ability to recount her unsteady and often unfair journey through life.